Lessons in Resilience: Understanding my Grandfather through his life experiences

Thinking about summers in grade school takes me back to a simpler time. I have pleasant memories of spending days at my Grandparents house in Burlington. The hours seemed endless, and I remember watching my favourite cartoons, playing with the dog, and running errands with my grandmother. At just about the same time each afternoon, I would be laying on the floor watching my show when suddenly, I would hear the hum of the garage door opener. This meant that my grandfather was home from work.

My Grandpa spent about 40 years working as a Mechanical Engineer for International Harvester. I was too young to understand at the time, but he had been called back out of retirement by his company to consult and serve as expert witness. Having always enjoyed his job he took up this challenge for few years and would arrive home in the afternoons before my parents picked me up for the day. I can tell you and I promise I will explain, that as a child the sound of that door opener sent a chill down my spine as it signaled the arrival of the super adult, my grandpa.

I am entirely aware how terrible what I just said sounds and I assure you, there was no reason to ever fear my grandfather. Allow me to explain and if after that you still see an issue, please let me know.

October 9th, 1928, my grandfather was born on a small island in Newfoundland just west of St John’s. Tucked in a bay that shielded it from the wrath of the Atlantic it was full of working-class families that farmed and mined the iron ore deposits that lay underneath it. It’s proximity to St John’s would later pull it into the world’s issues but he always described it as a great place to grow up. He was the youngest of 9 children so you don’t have to imagine too hard to see how money and provisions could have been tight. Discipline, moderation, and good behavior were the order of the day and there was no time left to fool around.

Stories of harsher rules and walking uphill to school are nothing new to anyone but I can tell you that it didn’t get any easier for him as he entered his teens. Remember when i said that his island was tucked away from the world? A certain world war changed that. The math breaks down like this, war means weapons, weapons are made of steel, steel is made with iron ore and iron ore is in deposits under a small island in Newfoundland. The Germans understood this logic quite well and were looking to slow down the production of allied weapons.

My Grandpa didn’t often speak of the war but when he did, it was fascinating. German U-boats (submarines) entered the bay where he lived with the mission of disrupting the movement of iron ore from Bell Island to the steel mills supporting the war effort. Four ships in total were sunk just off the coast and he spoke of blackouts at night and fear of traveling across to the harbor. Newfoundland was still 7 years away from becoming a part of Canada so the two governments worked together to install protection measures so that travel could resume but safety was never guaranteed. Basically, it was a terrifying time. It all seems a lot more difficult to deal with than the weekends I spent as a teen at the movies or sneaking beer to house parties.

My Grandpa is standing front left. This image was taken for a promotional pamphlet.

Thankfully, the war ended in time and despite the hardships in his life so far, my grandpa still had ambitions of leaving the island to build a better life for himself. Several of his siblings chose to do the same, ending up all over the map. It’s too much to explain here but his sister Margaret (My Godmother) ended up being a nun in Chicago and his brother Bren (My Great Uncle) ended up serving in the Merchant Marines, so you have a sense of how wide the spectrum was. I’m leaving out some details, but my grandpa ended up working his way west and decided he would study engineering at Queens’s University in Kingston. I can’t imagine taking a chance like that, leaving home, and heading to a new place on a limited budget while knowing regardless of what happened he would have to make things work. It was all or nothing. Again, discipline was key.

Roommates, second hand textbooks and after-hours jobs. These were just some of the ways my grandpa was able to pay his way through university. I remember how hard I had work in my program and I didn’t have to worry about any of these things. The pressure of working for your tuition no doubt lights a fire under your ass and he was able to work his way to his degree. My Grandma tells me he would allow himself one night a week to go skating at the local rink as a break and that break would be where they eventually met. Self policing and the value of hard work carried him to where he wanted to go and with his degree, he had everything he needed to begin what would be a very fruitful career.

As I look back at these stages of his life as a young man myself, I see that he had to work hard, he had to be brave, and he probably had to act a little older than his age out of necessity. He wasn’t a small child simply being a good boy, he was a young boy rationing and making do with what his family could provide. He wasn’t simply following rules, he was shutting his lights off to hide from the Germans not knowing if his home would be attacked and he wasn’t just getting good marks in school, he was learning all he could to better himself so he could build the life wanted because he had worked for every dollar that got him to the classroom.

Once I started getting a little older, I was able to have more conversations with my grandfather. He would tutor me in math, ask me about school and tell me jokes. He loved to tell me riddles, I usually couldn’t come up with the answer, but he didn’t mind, a quick head shake ended my tortured thinking, and he would tell me the answer. Year after year as I experienced more in life, I found that my relationship with him would open up as well. There was never any reason to be afraid of Grandpa, he was loving when I was small, and he gave my cousins and I everything and more. Looking back, it wasn’t fear that I was feeling, I just hadn’t gotten to know him as I do now.

My Grandpa is Frederick Skanes. He was born in Newfoundland to a large family, He worked to put himself through university, raised two children and was married to my grandmother for 65 years. As an engineer he went on to hold several patents for parts he helped design., just one of the many achievements in a life that can only be described as impeccable. He passed away July 11th, 2023. I will miss him immensely and I am forever grateful for everything he helped instill in me.

My Grandpa and I on the day I received my Engineering jacket. His jacket was a little stiff from it sitting for years but he managed to get it on for a picture.